BEE-lieve

Hello Friends, it has been awhile. I've thought about writing often over the last month, but for some reason didn't get around to it until now. In some ways I felt like I had finished the scary part and didnt know what else to say.

I feel like I'm in some sort of limbo-land, where the big battle has happened but there are still so many loose ends to tie up that the journey isn't really complete yet. I still have infusions of targeted chemo every three weeks, I still have injections every four weeks to stop my ovaries from producing hormones, I still take tamoxifen daily. And while I keep saying "I'm better than I was!" to those that ask, some days I feel very far from 100%. My sleep is horrible, I wake up at least 5x a night with hot flashes, so I am tired ALL the time. Most days I have an afternoon nap which helps me function enough to make dinner and get the kids in bed but sometimes I feel like such a slug. I know I need to be patient, that I can't expect to bounce back completely, especially not right away, but I think I've mentioned that patience is a virtue I possess in very limited quantities.

Things that help me stay positive are my (almost) daily yoga sessions. Sometimes I practice on the porch in the morning light, listening to the birds chirping and the bees buzzing in my lavender. My neighbours might think I'm strange but after our forever winter I crave the sun and sounds of life. And I'm building strength which is empowering after feeling so weak. I try to set my intentions to be a force for good and in the mystical ways of the universe I was presented with an opportunity to get involved in my community.

Being able to give back is certainly helping me as well. I am able to work towards our community spirit and volunteer my time to a project our neighbourhood is working on. I've connected with so many neighbours (social distance style) and feel like I'm forging new friendships all while working towards a greater cause.

My garden is also blooming and it is such a joy to see it grow everyday. Watering and weeding in the mornings starts my day off right. My front garden is full of perennials, some that were here when we moved in and others, like the lavender, that I planted last year. I've added an iris and coneflower this year too. To see everything in bloom with their bright colours on display gives me such hope. The back garden is mostly vegetables and my broccoli and tomatoes are huge! I look forward to eating the yummy goodness. We are also moving ahead with our plans to build a deck off the back. It's going to be a big one with two levels and a pergola but we look forward to being able to BBQ and entertain outside in comfort in time.

Watching the bees in my garden reminds me to go with the flow. There is a time to hustle and time to rest, a time to gather and a time to produce. I have been gathering information through additional yoga trainings and now I have some plans in the works to get back to teaching yoga in my neighbourhood Everyday is full of possibilities and I feel as long as I honour where I am every moment, and try to balance the hustle with the rest it will all work out.

-Katie