Fight Like a Girl - In Repair
"I'm in repair
I'm not together, but I'm getting there"
It's officially been two weeks since my last chemo treatment and after a rough week I am getting exponentially stronger every day. I had set a goal for myself at the beginning of the month, to be able to walk both of my dogs, by myself, before my surgery, and today I achieved that goal!
It's so good to be able to function like my old self. I still need a nap every once in a while, and I don't have the greatest appetite but everyday living tasks are getting done!
Strangely enough the thing that bothers me now is my lack of hair. It's like I was harbouring this deep hope that once I finished chemo it would come back....it hasn't. I have purchased a new wig though, still pink, but shorter and more manageable. Apparently the real strands should start returning soon and I have reasonable hope that in a couple months it will just look like a short hair cut, perfect timing for the upcoming spring! I have almost completly lost my eyebrows and lashes recently though and it makes me more sad than my hair, probably because it's much harder to hide. Luckily again there are replacement options so I can feel more normal but I'll admit that getting eyelashes on straight and looking natural is not easy!
I've mentioned before how much I love beginnings, they're so full of possibilities and hope, and I always buy into the idea of fresh start January. I had big hopes for this month as it would be my first mostly free of appointments in a long while. I've been cleaning out my fridge and pantry after the hub bub of the holidays, and taking down all the Christmas decorations, giving the house a nice fresh start to the year too. I've been getting back into a personal yoga practice and starting to feel reconnected with myself. I've been able to work on my complicated knitting projects I haven't had the concentration for and I feel my creative spirit returning. I've been walking more and pushing myself a bit more each day, trying to regain some muscle mass so I can be as strong as possible before surgery. The days are flying by though!
Surgery is set for Jan 28th. I'm a big ball of excited and scared. It's exciting knowing the last remnants of cancer will be removed finally, but its still a big surgery and apparently a doozy of a recovery. I'm not looking forward to having to rely so much on my family again (after I've just regained my independence!) but it is necessary for a good recovery and I know without a doubt that they wouldn't have it any other way. I've started organizing some clothing that is easier to get on and off, collecting pillows of different sizes, and planning smaller/lighter knit and crochet projects to keep me busy. I've been reading other survivors blogs to try and get an idea of what to expect and although the stories are all over the place I feel a bit more mentally ready.
"And now I'm walking in the park And all of the birds, they dance below me Maybe when things turn green again It will be good to say you know me
Oh, it's taken so long I could be wrong, I could be ready Oh, but if I take my heart's advice I should assume it's still unsteady
I'm in repair
I'm not together, but I'm getting there" - John Mayer
xoxo Katie